This is IVF… Failed round after failed round

Jul 14, 2021 | Fertility Stories, This is IVF...

Words by  Abbe Feder | @absofstyle |

took a long and unanticipated six-year journey to motherhood and I learned a LOT – too much, actually.

No one thinks they need IVF when they start, especially if the diagnosis is unexplained infertility. But eventually, month after month, year after year of yearning and grief, we knew we needed to get help. After four IUIs we moved to IVF. We made beautiful embryos, we were told the uterine home was cozy and hospitable, and still – nothing. Failed round after failed round.

We tried tested embryos, untested embryos, fresh, frozen. We even combined one fresh and one frozen embryo at some point, because everyone was out of ideas. We switched doctors, we switched clinics, protocols….not one penny was covered by insurance.

We knew we couldn’t keep going on this way, so we decided on one last round. We assumed it wouldn’t work and we’d finally move on. Our doctor thought we were crazy. We’d even started a conversation with a surrogate. 

I got pregnant with triplets.

After all we’d been through, I had to terminate one for medical reasons, and to this day, even after delivering healthy twins, I consider the third our angel baby who brought us to the family we’re blessed with now.

During my course of becoming a mother, my husband Isaac and I started @maculatepod to process the deep grief and isolation we were experiencing. Through that podcast, women from all over the world reached out to me, and almost accidentally, I began to help them on their own journeys. We’d talk about questions to ask the doctor, protocols, nurses, how to make important decisions and bedside manner. I realized that there is an incredible need for patient advocacy, but also for someone who understands what you’re going through to listen, to handhold, to move through the junk of the journey from an objective standpoint.

After twelve attempts, a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, and a TFMR, once I finally emerged emerged on the other side of my rainbow I knew that it was part of my life’s path to help others along their way.   That’s when my business partner and I started @incirclefertility.

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